Shatter Me

Shatter Me

I have a curseI have a giftI am a monsterI'm more than humanMy touch is lethalMy touch is powerI am their weaponI will fight backJuliette hasn’t touched anyone in exactly 264 days.The last time she did, it was an accident, but The Reestablishment locked her up for murder. No one knows why Juliette’s touch is fatal. As long as she doesn’t hurt anyone else, no one really car...

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Title:Shatter Me
Author:Tahereh Mafi
Rating:
Edition Language:English

Shatter Me Reviews

  • shady

    By the way, check out this fan made poster for the movie, if there ever was one.

    Made by

    on deviantART.

    I looove it! Exactly how I would picture a movie poster for this book.

    _________________

    I read this book in one sitting.

    For five hours, I read this. It was a school night and I stayed up all night. That's how much this book pulled me.

    I know that there are many people who didn't like this book, some even

    it, but... Gah, it was just so awesome to me! It's definitely one of those bo

    By the way, check out this fan made poster for the movie, if there ever was one.

    Made by

    on deviantART.

    I looove it! Exactly how I would picture a movie poster for this book.

    _________________

    I read this book in one sitting.

    For five hours, I read this. It was a school night and I stayed up all night. That's how much this book pulled me.

    I know that there are many people who didn't like this book, some even

    it, but... Gah, it was just so awesome to me! It's definitely one of those books that pulled me in and refused to let go. I loved every minute of it, and I guess I see why it's getting all the hate─insta-love, lack of world-building, the writing style, etc etc─but... I don't know, something about this book just really really wowed me, and it was fucking awesome in my eyes.

    Also, the author herself is awesome as well. <3

    where you can see all of her adorableness. :D

    Overall, in spite of all the hate this book is getting, I absolutely loved it, and can't wait for the sequel.

  • Whitney Atkinson

    I picked this back up on a whim because I've been dealing with anxiety lately and wanted to return to something comforting, so I decided to annotate one of my paperback copies. And I gotta say, It's.... weird returning to book one. Ignite Me is my favorite book of all time, and rereading that book is such an immersive experience that I always come out of feeling empowered. This book, on the other hand, holds such a special place in my heart because it's so relatable that it hurts. F

    I picked this back up on a whim because I've been dealing with anxiety lately and wanted to return to something comforting, so I decided to annotate one of my paperback copies. And I gotta say, It's.... weird returning to book one. Ignite Me is my favorite book of all time, and rereading that book is such an immersive experience that I always come out of feeling empowered. This book, on the other hand, holds such a special place in my heart because it's so relatable that it hurts. From Juliette's panic to her awkwardness to her resilience to the writing style, everything just hurts so good. There's parts of me that I see in Juliette, and there's parts of Juliette that I wish I could be better at. It's just such a refreshing and inspirational book to read because it's about someone who has been handed the shittiest circumstances and still looks for the best in others, perseveres, and demands what's right for her. It's about learning to trust and realizing your worth and giving people second chances. FUCK i'm about to cry typing this review. I love Juliette so much and I love Tahereh even more for sharing a story that touches the deepest corners of my heart. It's truly a life-changing book for me.

    I’ve always read this as the story of a sad, self-conscious, self-loathing girl learning to see past obstacles to find love in herself and to let others in. however, i haven't read this since summer 2016, so my experience of reading this after the election & other #stressful political happenings opened my eyes to a completely new underside of the story. It had always been visible to me but was it never at the forefront, but this time I noticed it so vividly: this is also the story about a deeply hurt and angry girl who wants justice. People always criticize Juliette for being weak and annoying, especially in Unravel Me, but when she pushes back against her fear and stands up for herself, it's jaw-dropping. I envy her ability to know what's best for her and hold others' happiness and safety above her own even though she's gone through so much turmoil and deserves to be the person being looked out for. I used to think that Juliette gets suddenly really strong in Ignite Me, but reading this closely just showed how ready she was for that transformation. In my annotated editions, I use blue highlighter to mark parts where Juliette is really badass, and I didn't expect to use it a ton in this one, but it's everywhere. Juliette is a pure and fearless motherfucker. Even in book one she has powerful quotes like "I'm not yours to want," and it challenges all the ideas Warner tries to install into her head.

    Which is where this book gets slippery. It's getting really, really difficult for me to reconcile Warner's actions in book one. I've definitely had others question how I ship Juliette with Warner after all he's put Juliette through in this book, and it's a valid concern. Every time I think about this book, i'm just kinda like “hahaha problematic warner but whatever.” But the more I reread, especially after ignite me came out, and ESPECIALLY during this particular reread, the more questions I have that I can only hope will now be explained in restore me. Don't get me wrong, this book still means so much to me because of juliette, but there’s no possible way for me to read this book with the mindset “omg i love warner!!” because he’s literally the villain and he does and says so many problematic, manipulative things. Honestly, I don't think it's fair to justify everything Warner does. While rereading this I was actually shocked at the amount of nasty things he says to her, that I obviously must have forgotten or blocked from my memory. Things like telling her she'll be miserable if she leaves him because no one else will want her, calling her a monster, professing his love for her even when she's clearly uncomfortable. In Unravel Me and Ignite Me he explains why he did these things and says that he regrets doing it, but... it seems to go

    far in this book. I almost theorize that Tahereh must have written warner in book 1 to continue being a villain throughout the series, but there's way too many threads that suggest otherwise (ie. the introduction of the angst behind warner's mom, the fact that she felt "electricity" during their kiss, etc.)

    I feel like I could write an essay about this topic: the inconsistencies of Warner's personality, and whether or not it's justifiable to forgive him for his "misjudgments" of Juliette. It's just so strange to me that Adam & Kenji can say "Warner is a lot of things, but he's not stupid," and yet Warner misreads her SO horribly. I mean, in the scene that he corners her and kisses her, he's literally saying "I want you to choose me" and "I love you" and later admits that he thought she was into it, EVEN THOUGH she literally said "You're sick/you're a monster/etc." and physically tried to punch him before he pinned her to the wall. If he's so smart, then why couldn't he tell that every time he talks to her, she's afraid and disgusted? Is it really that easy to mistake fear for excitement? Disgust for nerousness?

    His behavior is so coercive and manipulative, and even though I know he was just trying to get a reaction out of her so that she would abandon her fear and finally use her power, there's not nearly enough of an apology as I would expect for things of this magnitude. The reason why I don't consider Warner an outright misogynist is an incredibly nuanced (and long) discussion, but the difference between him and, say, a Colleen Hoover character is that while Warner is saying and doing problematic things, he is also being cast in a problematic light. He is literally the villain of this story for putting her in those situations. Had Juliette been like "omg he's pinning me against a wall and threatening me, he's so dominating <3" then that would a lot more concerning. But I'm gonna have to reread Unravel Me as well to refresh my memory on how Warner addresses these actions and words because I really don't think he apologized or explained himself well enough, and I think it's totally valid for Juliette to absolutely roast him in Restore Me for treating her so shittily. My outrage about it is fresh though, and maybe Juliette comes to terms with his actions in a later book that I've forgotten about.

    Also? Drag me, but Adam doesn't get enough credit in this book. I know we all love to shit on him--myself included--for the direction he goes in Ignite Me, but his place in her journey of self-discovery is vital. Imagine this book without Adam, without that glimmer of hope and self-love that he installs in her. He's the first person to reassure her of herself and humanize her. Sure, they're not right for each other in the end, but it's not okay to dismiss their entire relationship as bullshit, because he DID help her see herself as something other than a monster, and I can't even imagine what this series would have been like if it were only Juliette brooding alone in her room, dreading Warner, stuck there until Warner was forced to tell her the truth about his mom or until Anderson showed up to ask what was taking so long. Idk. There's so many important quotes from Adam in this book. Sometimes it falls into the type of narrative that feels like "ugghhhh, she needed a boy to 'fix' her," but in reality, sometimes your friends have your back and reassure you of your worth, and sometimes your friends are more than your friends. I could make a LIST of all the positive things Adam said to Juliette in this book that caused her confidence to sky rocket, whereas almost everything Warner said installed panic and fear in her.

    So clearly I have conflicting feelings, but none of them intercede with the fact that I still cannot get over how much I adore this story. Sure, Warner sucks and I unironically wrote "ew" by half the things he says to her in this book, but watching Juliette's transformation and relating to her insecurities and thought process, as well as remembering how much I adored this book as a young teen, it's always going to be a priceless experience to me.

    I think this is my fourth or fifth time rereading it? I didn't plan to but my aunt showed interest in reading it and I jokingly offered to read it out loud to her, and she said yes. Thus, I proceeded to read this entire book out loud to her. And it was worth it.

    And what can I say? I love this book. I fucking love Juliette. Reading it out loud made me slightly more aware of how lame her stream of consciousness can sound, and how the metaphors become exhausting after a while. But I've sort of accepted that book one is always going to be slightly uncomfortable to reread just because of the fact that so much has changed by book 3 that this is almost cringe-worthy. There's so much set-up for world building that never occurs. Honestly this book is more of a 3 star rating, but I can't bring myself to lower it. It was due for a reread since it had been just about two years, and, like always, I noted several things that I had missed or forgotten since I read it last!

    I'm not quite sure why i've never uploaded a review on goodreads for this book. I mean, I feel like it kind of goes without saying how I feel about it but ya know. This is my favorite series. If you're sick of dystopian and never want to read one ever again, make an exception for this one. Ignore the fact that the entire fandom (and myself) has probably majorly spoiled you. But this book. Holy shit. The writing. YES. The characters. YES. The plot. YES. The range of emotions. YES. I could tell you the things wrong with it, but no book is perfect. But if you want a book with characters that you will not be able to get out of your head and with a plot that will have you reading an entire trilogy in one sitting, this book is your friend.

    reread: July 2014

  • Rachel E. Carter

    Oh, and if you decide to cast Alex Pettyfer as Warner I would be cool with that.

    Okay, I have not properly reviewed this series since I read it a year ago (and I don't think I ever can because it would be ridiculously long and the book is so quotable that I would literally be citing the entire thing) but Shatter Me is one of my favorite series of

    And it has my FAVORITE LOVE INTEREST of

    Butttt, to anyone considering it, watch this:

    . I just found that fan video the other day and I can't stop watching it. I'm sorry but if that doesn't make you want to read this book you do not have a soul. READ. THIS. BOOK. You will either love it or hate it (depending on how you feel about prose) but if you love it than

    PS this review basically is a dedication to Alex Pettyfer as Warner. YOU ARE WELCOME.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>

  • Michelle, the Bookshelf Stalker  Queen of the Undead

    “...perfect shade of cobalt, blue like a blossoming bruise, clear and deep and decided”

    “…careful, curious”

    “… 2 buckets of rainwater; deep, fresh, clear”

    “…blue and bottomless like the deepest part of the ocean”

    “…tight”

    “…as tight as his fists as tight as the strain in his arms”

    “…bottomless blue”

    “…blue blue blue”

    “…midnight moment filled with memories, the only windows into my world”

    “… always shining the darkness”

    “…two pools of perfection, open, honest, humble”

    “…a sha

    “...perfect shade of cobalt, blue like a blossoming bruise, clear and deep and decided”

    “…careful, curious”

    “… 2 buckets of rainwater; deep, fresh, clear”

    “…blue and bottomless like the deepest part of the ocean”

    “…tight”

    “…as tight as his fists as tight as the strain in his arms”

    “…bottomless blue”

    “…blue blue blue”

    “…midnight moment filled with memories, the only windows into my world”

    “… always shining the darkness”

    “…two pools of perfection, open, honest, humble”

    “…a shade of blue in a midnight sky”

    “…like a white-hot poker pressed against my skin”

    “…touching every inch of my body”

    “…locked into mine”

    “… is fixed on me: calm, unflappable; 2 buckets of river water at midnight. I’d like to cry into his eyes”

    I’ve never been a purple prose type of girl. A book that will forever remain nameless spoke of “leaking wombs” and well it made me

    . It also introduced me to the entire concept of purple prose. Prose can be beautiful. I’ve read plenty of books where the writing touches me deeply and the author is simply writing about the sunset, or a walk in the park, or the plight of the poor. If the author is able to actually tell a story without distracting the reader with the prose, I’m all for it.

    That is not the case with “Shatter Me”. “Shatter Me” was

    over-done. It was

    tiring,

    distracting, and

    silly.

    At some point, I was

    overwhelmed by the prose and eager for the story. And don’t get me started about the crossing out of passages in the book. It was

    something I did not enjoy.

    Overall-

    I’m curious to see where the author can go since it is clear that she can write. I think someone needed to

    edit her prose down to a more controllable level so that people could enjoy the story rather than cringe with every every every

    incident of prose.

  • Kat Kennedy

    Shatter Me, otherwise known as: When Creative Writing Class Goes Wrong.

    I am all for experimental writing, for stretching your abilities and trying to find fresh ways to express ideas. Occasionally you end up with genius, but most of the time you result in pretentious, awkward prose that stick in the proverbial craw of readers. This book is that writing. There are plenty of examples that I can give as evidence – but I shall stick with two relatively short ones:

    “His eyes scan the silhouette of my

    Shat­ter Me, oth­er­wise known as: When Cre­ative Writ­ing Class Goes Wrong.

    I am all for exper­i­men­tal writ­ing, for stretch­ing your abil­i­ties and try­ing to find fresh ways to express ideas. Occa­sion­ally you end up with genius, but most of the time you result in pre­ten­tious, awk­ward prose that stick in the prover­bial craw of read­ers. This book is that writ­ing. There are plenty of exam­ples that I can give as evi­dence – but I shall stick with two rel­a­tively short ones:

    “His eyes scan the sil­hou­ette of my struc­ture and the slow motion makes my heart race. I catch the rose petals as they fall from my cheeks, as they float around the frame of my body, as they cover me in some­thing that feels like the absence of courage.”

    The absence of courage? Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me? We have a word for that. I believe that is almost the dic­tio­nary def­i­n­i­tion of the word cow­ard. I would explain what was wrong with the rest of the para­graph too but I want to keep this review to a 10,000 word the­sis at max.

    “I always won­der about raindrops.

    I won­der about how they’re always falling down, trip­ping over their own feet, break­ing their legs and for­get­ting their para­chutes as they tum­ble right out of the sky toward an uncer­tain end.”

    …right.

    I get, artis­ti­cally, that Mafi wanted to expose her read­ers to the mind of a girl whose san­ity is frag­ile and ques­tion­able, and that she’s try­ing to show this through the prose. I don’t think the effect works or is done par­tic­u­larly well. I think the work­ings of a trou­bled mind would result in more than bad analo­gies and a bunch of num­bers. Despite the fact that Juliette’s back­story and premise is inter­est­ing, we still end up with the same mun­dane, cookie-cutter hero­ine that can be seen in the vast major­ity of Young Adult lit­er­a­ture. The only thing insane about this novel is how pre­dictable and trite it is.

    When are pop­u­lar young adult authors going to pro­vide more to the char­ac­ter­i­za­tion of their main pro­tag­o­nists than: Irre­sistible, unique out­sider, in love with a guy?

    Can’t male pro­tag­o­nists have other qual­i­ties than: in love with main char­ac­ter, hot, tragic back­story to illicit exces­sive brooding?

    The entire premise of Shat­ter Me promised some­thing dif­fer­ent and new. Yet we still end up with the same bland old fare.

    The plot and pac­ing is awk­ward and cum­ber­some. Even when sit­u­a­tions are sup­posed to be tense, there is a sense of bore­dom and pre­dictabil­ity. I feel sad that this is yet again, another dis­ap­point­ing dystopian Young Adult novel that will join its sis­ters in the Mediocre Hall of I Can’t Be Stuffed.

    But, if you do decide to visit, at least you get a free shirt!

    One last thing

    This review also appears on my blog,

    .

    ["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>

  • Steph Sinclair
  • Emily May

    This is not a dystopia, it is a romance. This is not a novel, it is a collection of similes and metaphors, most of which do not make sense. I originally gave

    two stars because that's my sort of kneejerk reaction to books I don't like, but after thinking it over for a while, I can't recall

    positive about it that would justify a rating of more than one star.

    You're probably assuming - correctly - that I went into this book with low expectations. This is completely true. Any so-

    This is not a dystopia, it is a romance. This is not a novel, it is a collection of similes and metaphors, most of which do not make sense. I originally gave

    two stars because that's my sort of kneejerk reaction to books I don't like, but after thinking it over for a while, I can't recall

    positive about it that would justify a rating of more than one star.

    You're probably assuming - correctly - that I went into this book with low expectations. This is completely true. Any so-called "dystopia" with a runway model on the front cover leaves me feeling sceptical. However, I was also prepared to allow myself to be surprised; a lot of my friends loved this and one of the biggest criticisms didn't actually bother me - purple prose. I think there's a fine line in writing between the pretty and the purplish and different readers will define it in their own way. For example, some reviewers thought that

    was just a mess of bloated purple prose, whereas I thought it was one of the most beautiful books I read last year. I have a high tolerance level for flowery writing. But...

    's numerous metaphors, similes, and endless descriptions just didn't make sense. What is this?:

    I just...

    This is one example floating around in there, but every second sentence is like this! That's not even mentioning the annoying strike-outs. Trust me, no really,

    , I thought people were being overly picky when they said the crossed out sentences were annoying. I actually thought it sounded interesting, unusual, especially because the whole thing is meant to be written in a notebook and I cross stuff out in mine all the time.

    People didn't exaggerate: it will most likely drive you crazy.

    However, there was one thing that for me was even more annoying than the descriptions, the similes, the strikes, and that was the stupid repetition thing:

    Again, if it had been used once, or sparingly even, then it wouldn't be so bad. I may have thought it was an interesting literary technique. But

    had way way way too much of everything (see what I did there?).

    And story? What story? *sigh* It's about time we just opened up an entirely new genre called "Dystopian Romance" or alternatively "Romantic Dystopia", though I don't wish to be pessimistic, I'm pretty sure half the new releases of 2012 will make it into that category. If there was a story then it drowned amidst the waves of overenthusiastic and flowery prose. This reminded me of

    in that the dystopia was there to make the romance interesting. One was certainly there to complement the other, but it was the wrong way around.

    Also... kissing when you are fleeing for your lives?? I'm sure this is not the correct way of things, right? And yet it occurs in way too many young adult books. I'm like: "run, run, run!" but the characters are too busy swapping saliva. I must be old-fashioned in my thinking that staying alive is kinda important.

    There are a lot of things that, had they been there, could have convinced me to up this to two stars. One star ratings make me feel sucky. But I'm sorry guys, I wasn't even entertained. The beginning was intriguing but there was so little plot beyond the romance that it quickly became tedious. I hated the prose, I felt nothing either way for the characters, this series ends here for me.

  • Shannon

    Let me translate what Mafi was trying to say; "It was raining."

    of

    ; she tries too hard to be clever and poetic and the story gets muddied along the way.

    I apologize for not going more in depth with this review, but I read this book over three months ago now and all I remember is that

    I think my status updates should show this pretty clearly, but to make this easier to see, I've decided to write this somewhat brief review and sort through a few of my updates as well.

    A device Mafi chooses to use early on is

    striking out the words that "crazy" Juliette is "really" thinking. As the story goes on this device gets used less and less and so it feels more like Mafi just used it in the beginning for fun and to make her book look different from the rest of the young adult books out there, which, unfortunately, it is NOT, especially when you get to the romance. And that is what this story is:

    , and a disgustingly sappy one at that.

    I don't think you'll be able to believe these

    until you read them for yourself:

    "I'd like to cry into his eyes."

    "His body presses closer and I realize I'm paying attention to nothing but the dandelions blowing wishes in my lungs."

    "I'm suddenly desperate to drink in every drop of his being, desperate to savor every moment I've never known before. I suddenly worry that there's an expiration date on this phenomenon.

    The possibility of losing him

    The possibility of losing him

    The possibility of losing him is 100 years of solitude I don't want to imagine.

    Realization is a pendulum the size of the moon. It won't stop slamming into me."

    "His heart is racing so fast I can't distinguish it from my own. It's 5,000 degrees in the air between us."

    "I've run out of words. My pockets are full of letters I can't string together."

    "I want to fall asleep to the sound of his heart beating in the atmosphere."

    "His eyes are a midnight moment filled with memories, the only windows into my world."

    "My heart fails for a moment.

    There are 400 cotton balls caught in my windpipe."

    "James and Adam glance back at me and I melt into pink Play-Doh."

    "I'm up.

    Spinning.

    Scanning.

    Scared.

    They found us is the only thing I can think of. My stomach is a flimsy crepe, my heart a raging woodpecker, my blood a river of anxiety."

    "It's raining today. The sky is weeping for us."

    "His lips are spelling secrets and my ears are spilling ink, staining my skin with his stories."

    "The sun is revolving around the moon when he responds."

    "I offer him a smile. Try to keep my organs from falling out. Hope the holes in my head aren't showing."

    "My mouth is sitting on my kneecaps."

    "My neck snaps up to meet his dark eyes, his smooth voice, silky and strong."

    "My jaw is dangling from my shoelace."

    "I'm blushing through my bones."

    "Adam pulls back just a tiny bit. Kisses my bottom lip. Bites it for just a second. His skin is 100 degrees hotter than it was a moment ago. His lips are pressed against my neck and my hands are on a journey down his upper body and I'm wondering why there are so many freight trains in my heart, why his chest is a broken harmonica."

    And that, my friends, is that.

    Even if I didn't think the writing was trite and overwrought, later on it really starts to feel like she's borrowing heavily from the X-Men mythos (even though she claims she's never even seen the movies.) If you read the few quotes I've listed above and they're not your cup of tea, I'd say skip this one and try something else. Or maybe watch one of the X-Men movies instead; you'll get a much better portrayal of Rogue and a steamier love story. Mmm ... Wolverine.

  • Haleema

    I know many.. really a SHIT-TON of people found this book to be oh so romantic, but I can't help but think how gross it was.

    :

    Mafi's style of writing varies. Let me categorize.

    :

    "I catch the rose petals as they fall from my cheeks, as they float around the frame of my body, as they cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage."

    "He says it with a small smile the size of Jupiter."

    :

    I know many.. really a SHIT-TON of people found this book to be oh so romantic, but I can't help but think how gross it was.

    :

    Mafi's style of writing varies. Let me categorize.

    :

    "I catch the rose petals as they fall from my cheeks, as they float around the frame of my body, as they cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage."

    "He says it with a small smile the size of Jupiter."

    :

    "Every organ in my body falls to the ground."

    "There are 400 cotton balls caught in my windpipe."

    "My mouth is sitting on my kneecaps."

    "My jaw is dangling from my shoelace."

    "My stomach drops onto my knees."

    "I blush through my bones."

    "My spine is conducting enough electricity to power a city."

    :

    "I blush."

    "I blush."

    "His lips part. Close."

    "I blush."

    "I blush."

    "His lips part. Close."

    "I blush."

    "I blush."

    "His lips part. Close."

    :

    "I am an old creaky staircase when I wake up."

    "Warner thinks Adam is a cardboard cutout of vanilla regurgitations."

    Do I need to explain how shitty this writing is?

    :

    Juliette does nothing but sulk around, wait for death, whine, and has very creepy thoughts of Adam.

    Adam is just there...

    Warner is a pathetic excuse for a villain.

    I must admit that a few times, he had potential to be a good character. I thought he was the only character that actually had a purpose. He made me cringe with his insanity. He made me angry, made me feel uncomfortable. He was getting there. Then he would say something so cheesy, so inconsistent to his character, and just downright stupid that I lost all hope in him.

    Kenji was just fucking annoying.

    :

    Besides Juliette's constant whining and lameness and the cringeworthy romances, this story was just a sadder and lamer version of X-Men. I had too many X-Men vibes going on.

    :

    Mafi, if you wanted to capture me with

    unique prose, thinking that if you repeated phrases fifty times every once in a while, had painful metaphors, and an unnecessary abundance of irritating striking texts, then

    She speaks like that in real life...?

  • Kiki

    This book was just

    .

    There is no other way to describe this book, but

    .

    When I was about eleven or twelve, before we had the Great Garage Sale of the Noughties, my sister used to always sit me down and force me to watch this terrible movie called

    . I watched that shit about seven times, and I got so abhorrently sick of it that eventually I hid it.

    The DVD rack hit a status quo. All were happy. Until one day a neighbor took the first strike in the Great Garage Sale

    This book was just

    .

    There is no other way to describe this book, but

    .

    When I was about eleven or twelve, before we had the Great Garage Sale of the Noughties, my sister used to always sit me down and force me to watch this terrible movie called

    . I watched that shit about seven times, and I got so abhorrently sick of it that eventually I hid it.

    The DVD rack hit a status quo. All were happy. Until one day a neighbor took the first strike in the Great Garage Sale of the Noughties, and my sister bought an Ingrid Bergman boxed set.

    There were five

    movies in that boxed set.

    She sits me down the following Sunday, or rather she catches me at my weakest: coming back from a pox. She grabs

    , jams it into the DVD player and I'm forced to watch what I can only describe as three hours of Rogers and Hammerstien on crack (without any of the ridiculously hilarious lyrics).

    This book still takes the cake.

    It's obnoxiously written. Which is a shame; in blogerto, Tahereh is an enormously cool and entertaining person. Was this the work of a dastardly ghost writer? I almost hope it was. I know most of the best bad quotes have already been recanted by several other dear reviewers, but I'd feel unfulfilled if I didn't just refresh your memory:

    "Summer...promises a million happy adjectives only to pour stench and sewage into your nose for dinner" (p.26)

    Okay. I understand the stench and sewage part, and the million happy adjectives. But why for dinner? Why dinner? Why that one meal? Ms. Mafi, honey, I've been in this place. I've been in a place where, as a writer, you feel the desperate fanfictionesque need to tack on fancy-dancy meaningless words to give your sentences mystical rhythm, but there comes a point where you have to stop that.

    Stop it forever.

    "I hate the lackadaisical ennui of a sun too preoccupied with itself to notice the infinite hours we spend in its presence" (p.26)

    No comment. Except that it's one sentence away from the smelly dinner thing.

    "My eyes are 2 professional pickpockets, stealing everything to store away in my mind" (p.61)

    Wait, what?

    "The sky is raining bricks right into my skull" (p. 70)

    I have a thing about this. The words "brain" and "skull" are too often used in teenage-girl narratives to describe thought process. Granted, I've used them myself in YA narrative; but with a certain character. A character such as Juliette who is clearly a dreamer and an artistic type (yeah, okay, bear with me, will you?) would most likely not use such clinical terms as "brain" and "skull" to relate to her thoughts. When I consider my thoughts, I relate them to my mind. When I consider my body and the scientific part of what I am, I consider the brain and skull. Thus, "brain" and "skull" are simply unrealistic words for a character such as Juliette to use in her narrative.

    [example: Kira from

    is a scientist. Therefore, she is more likely to use "brain" and "skull" in her fleeting point. Grace from

    reads poetry and plays bocce ball with wolves, therefore she is not a clinical thinker and would not use "brain" and "skull" in her natural narrative. Capiche?]

    "Hate looks just like everybody else until it smiles. Until it spins around and lies with lips and teeth carved into the semblance of something too passive to punch" (p.73)

    Oh, honey. What happened here, hm?

    "He begins to pull off his gloves and I begin to panic...my jaw is too tight and my teeth have begun to ache" (p.78)

    This morning, I began to begin, because the beginning is where everything began. Later, when I began to dine, my mother began to yell for my beginning to eat before my sister had begun to sit down.

    "[Adam's eyes are] 2 buckets of river water at midnight" (p.113)

    Is it just me, or does anybody else find the image of that extremely unappealing?

    "My eyes are fighting not to flutter

    My legs have won the right to tremble" (116)

    This sounds like some kind of seizure. Instead of dry-humping Juliette in the shower, maybe Adam should be calling for an ambulance and putting a towel under her head!

    "He says it with a small smile the size of Jupiter" (p.119)

    Okay...you do know that Jupiter is the largest object in the solar system, besides the sun?

    "I feel the sudden urge to rupture his spleen" (p.132)

    Again with the clinical language! NAO.

    "Warner thinks Adam is a cardboard cutout of vanilla regurgitations" (p.164)

    Warner is absolutely right.

    "James and Adam glance back at me and I melt into pink Play-Doh" (p.234)

    I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment.

    "My jaw is dangling from my shoelace" (p.310)

    Sounds like a scene from

    .

    Like I just said in that long-winded point-reference-comment passage, the writing in this book is just abysmal. It wants to be all deep and metaphorical and Bronte, but it's just a giant mess. Of the hot variety.

    To match this sordid writing is a truly terrible heroine. Juliette is pitiful. Absolutely pitiful. She is already on her knees in screaming horror on page 65 because the guy she met a maximum of 48 hours ago 'betrayed' her. What the fuck? The instalove in this book is worse than

    . I'm not kidding. I'm honestly not. She's making out with him in the fucking shower by page 116. What?

    WHAT?

    I'm really struggling to find anything to say about Juliette. She has no personality. No quirks, no little habits (except striking out words, but Mafi noticeably runs out of steam with that little gimmick around page 100) and absolutely no traits that warrant my sympathy. This girl is such a shell that I didn't even care that she'd been locked up for however many days in a cell. I cared less than I did when Jane Fonda looked like a 20-year-old on the red carpet last week. At least that elicited a, "No! Really?"

    There's also no point in even touching the romance in this book. It's instalove, and written badly. What more is there to say? Oh, there is more. This book is not a dystopian.

    was more dystopian than this book. No shit. This book is a romance, worthy of Harlequin. There's no plot behind all the kissing and his lips his lips his lips and the 400 cotton balls someone inexplicably jammed down Juliette's windpipe, probably in a vain attempt to end the monologuing that plagues this book like The Blob. It's just intolerable. It's like reading the weepy little diary of those kids who brush their hair over their eyes and pretend to like Korn cuz nobody gets them, yo. It's the Sisterhood of the Snivelling Emo.

    It makes me want to scream.

    So, where was I? Dystopian?

    SHH! Orwell and Huxley might hear you, dammit!

    The only decent thing in the entire universe of this book was the banter between Kenji and Winston, whom I now ship. They're the only characters in this book worth giving a flying fuck about. In fact, I wish the book were about them and nobody else. Castle was a very sad attempt at Professor X.

    And just stop right there. Because you can't be Professor X. Nobody can. James McAvoy, I heart you.

    I'm already tired of writing this review. See what this book does to you? It's just the biggest time-waster ever. And you just know that in the next book,

    , Juliette is going to question her love for Adam and go back and forth between Warner, because she conveniently missed the kill shot here, even though she was five inches away from him. But what the heck, right? Everybody knows it's only logical to

    .

    Did I mention that Juliette is one of the stupidest YA heroines to date? No? Yes? No? Well, I'm mentioning it now.

    Juliette, you are one of the stupidest YA heroines to date.

    My conclusion? This book is a sloppy, shoddy mess and a very sad attempt at bandwagon-jumping the dystopian trend right now. Every so often you find a great brand-new YA dystopian read, but those worthwhile tales (think

    ) are swallowed by the growing number of trashy, tasteless, stupid and lacklustre titles like this one. It's sad to say, but it's true: books like this cheapen the dystopian genre. They have brought it to its knees.

    That is all.

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